Dilemma of a Working Mother..!!

The World never ceases to compare a mother to other women around (read: mothers) and yet nobody understands what a working mother goes though. Why is that people forget that a working mother is also a mother, the only difference is she leaves her baby with someone who can take care of her and goes back to work. It is very easy to comment on such women and be judgmental about it but has anyone ever tried to understand what that female goes through?

A girl who goes through the same level of education as a boy, starts her career at the same position as her male counterpart, is equally ambitious and hard working, sets her career aside to give birth to a baby and then gives up her career for the baby as well. WHY???? There is a very simple explanation for this: because she is expected to. Why is an Indian Male not expected to stay at home and take care of the baby? Didn’t he contribute to making the baby? Why is the father not expected to play a role in bringing up the baby apart from playing with him, bringing him toys and taking care of his needs? The Indian Paternity Leave itself is a joke, 5 days is what you get. Is it enough for a father to bond with the baby. Someone who has only heard that the baby is arriving, seen his wife flaunt a bump, is suddenly presented with a baby and expected to go back to work in 5 days. If that is correct, why is a female, who kept the baby inside her womb for 9 months, judged when she goes to work, leaving her 6 months old baby with someone else?

A mother who was an ambitious girl, has now let go of lot of things. Her world revolves around her baby. She has spent 6 months nurturing the baby, putting his needs above hers, spent countless sleepless nights taking care of the baby, feeding the baby, cleaning his pee and poop. And one fine day, she hands over this responsibility to a care taker or a nanny or her parents or in laws and scoots off to work. Was it easy? Do you think the female is enjoying her freedom at last?

Someone who couldn’t wash her hair for 10 days straight because the minute she would step into the washroom, the baby would start crying. Now she has 8 hours in the day all to herself. She can eat when she wants, she can talk to her friends, she can have hot tea or coffee, go for walks. But is she really that independent in the mind?

She goes to work because she has prior commitments, she has to help her husband in paying off the loans, she needs to continue working to maintain the lifestyle that they are used to. NOT because she wants freedom from her loving child.

While she is at work, she calls up home zillion times to check what her baby is doing, has he eaten? Has he slept? Has he done something new? Her constant fear is that she is missing out on the milestones that he is achieving! She fears not being a part of every activity that she does. This also affects her quality of work 🙁

All she talks about is her baby, how he is, what activities he does, how he behaves. She can’t relate to her colleagues anymore. But who cares???

She pumps out milk before going to work so that her baby isn’t deprived of breast-milk while she is fulfilling the needs of the family! And what do the people think: she is brave to leave her kid behind just for money! Yes, she is brave, she has left her baby at home. But terribly heartbroken within. The most important person in her life is at home without her.. 🙁

She carries a fear that the baby will not come to her when she comes home because the entire day he is playing with other people (it’s a terrible thought) She is sad she gets to spend 1 or 2 hours with the baby, unlike earlier when she was 24*7 with her baby. She dreads the traffic while coming home, she is the first one to rush out of the office, doesn’t mind working late from home just to be with the baby. Even after coming home, she spends an almost sleepless night for the baby.

Despite doing so much, she carries a constant guilt within her, a nagging thought that she is missing out on her baby’s childhood..!! The only day that she actually experiences delight is the day her account is credited with the salary. That is the one day she feels little less guilty about going out to work. That is the day she realizes she is doing this for securing a better future for her baby.

And what do we do??? We judge her..! We decide she doesn’t breastfeed her baby, she is evil, she is selfish..

Try getting into her shoes for a day, experience that heartbreak for a day and you will know the dilemma that a working mother goes through..!!

14 thoughts on “Dilemma of a Working Mother..!!

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  1. Fact of our society!
    Fact of every working woman!
    Hope our society will start understand the sacrifices of a every female.

  2. Hi Tamanna ,
    You might find this anti-feminist, but this just my two cents for the child and parents

    Part 1 : The child
    I understand that a woman has career, ambitions, commitments and guilt of not being there for the child. But all this is a cruelty and injustice to a child.
    You brought the baby to the world, it responsibility of both the parents to love and care for it.

    From the time the child is born to it reaches a school going age, the child completely relies on mothers care. This is the time when the child develops the everlasting bond with mother and basic character traits like kindness, compassion, care for others. If the child doesn’t experience mothers care, then it doesn’t have the bond with the mother.

    This bond with mother is what that defines the child throughout its life. Every time a child develops a doubt or is met with a problem in its school it always goes to its mother. And it is mother who always believes supports and encourages the child.

    Such a child would have a disturbed childhood, with no one to go to when he/she gets bullied in class or no one to discuss his/her feelings. When they feel inferior or doubt themselves they would not have any person to speak to.
    The child of further over the years develop low self esteem, could become violent, introvert and try to find that bond with friends . And if friends are bad you know where that would lead to.

    Please be with your child during its childhood, love them, nurture them, and teach them compassion and moral values not because you are the parents but because your child deserves your love, without that it is only growing to become a human body with no bond to others. And that is dangerous to the society.

    Part 2 : What is the father doing ?
    Please don’t ever justify this saying “Why cant the father bring up the child”. Mothers are Mothers period. They can’t be replaced by anyone , not even god.

    There is a reason why nature chooses Mothers to give birth and not fathers. Mothers will always be loving no matter what.

    The human race has always discriminated against woman throughout history, But nobody can deny the fact that there is no human race without woman.
    When you conceive a child, you know the risks involved, the pain of labor, the change in your body.

    You don’t see all this as a sacrifice, because you are making life and you will love that child with all your heart. That is something which cannot be compared to anything in this world. Nothing comes close to this.

    Part 3 : Woman’s career
    I respect and salute woman who work when their babies are young , who work as doctor , nurses , teachers , serve in armed forces , single mothers , construction workers , daily wage workers and many more. Some of they are the sole/partial bread winners and without them their families would not be able to eat a three times a day.

    But today most modern parents have a single kid and they would decide that they both need to work to get a house, continue with the lifestyle, buy expensive toys for the child, and educate the child in renowned schools, save more money for the kid’s future.

    Woman would also argue that they are more educated and capable than their spouses and why they should leave their career.

    Please remember whatever you succeed in earning money, may become the CEO of a company.
    You will not be able to get back this time and experience of being with your kid while he/she grows

    Because children are the best when they are young, they don’t know what is hate, jealousy, colour, and ego. They will always love you and that to me is divine. You may not be the best looking woman in the world, but to your child nobody can beat your beauty because he loves you so much.

    Don’t sacrifice the kids present in the hope getting him a better future. Enjoy the present with your child.

    My request to woman, please be with child when they grow up.

    You can always make a career but not the bond with your child. Whatever you are today independent, educated, feminist, ambitious is because your mother was there with you when you grew up and if they were not.

    At least don’t steal that from your child and love them more.


  3. Beautifully written.. I hate the 5 day paternity leave! I literally hate it .. the newborn days are the hardest .. emotionally and physically.. and that was the time I needed my partner the most .. thankfully the husband is on the same lines as me ..
    With the first child I did go back to work .. when at a time .. we had no help .. we did not want to leave Aadya in the care of outsiders.. Satish decided to quit work and he worked from home to look after the baby!
    And that was the best time the father daughter duo had!
    Unfortunately he was looked down for having done that ..
    He was least bothered and as I said it was the best time they had spent!

  4. A woman is always pulled in both directions as she is the nurturer. She will feel she is abandoning the baby if she goes to work and be guilty if staying at home. You have captured the thought well.

  5. I. Think you nailed the thoughts of a working mum especially the one who has just gone back to work after having baby. I was also facing a similar dilemma last year when I went back from. Maternity leave. I agree men should take more responsibility as fathers in actual. Chores rather than just handle financial. Commitments

  6. That’s the dark side of our society, these so-called caring people make us feel like we are the biggest culprit if we decide to work outside home. In fact, these are the ones who wish to be at our place. So much has to be changed so that we women don’t look down on ourselves. Waiting for a good future.

  7. This feels like a straight from heart post. I have no clue why people love to put on the judgment hats so often. The only thing that I have learned in these couple of years is to IGNORING is the best way to live among these judgemental people, More power to each mom around the globe.

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